Monday, June 01, 2009

What is it?

I am feeling something that I'm not sure what it is. Melancholy? Sadness? Faithless? Something is off but I'm not sure what or what to do about it. Generally things are good. Hubby and I are doing great. Emma is the most wonderful little girl and I love her so much! But I feel...something. Disconnected? I don't know. I do feel behind. Behind in knitting, behind in posting, behind in taking video and pictures of Emma, behind in finding my freaking camera that has been lost for weeks, behind in housework, behind in keeping up with my friends, behind in paying any attention to my kitties. There is just not enough time in the day for everything I want to do. And some things that I have to do take a lot of time, even if I don't want to do them. Sigh.

What an uplifting post huh? The faithless word up there is getting to me. I haven't lost my faith in God, have I? I don't think so. But I sure wonder why such terrible things happen and He lets them. Is it to show us that we could be a better world if we choose to be? That it's up to us? But why us, why doesn't He just make it a better world? What can I do to make it better? I think that's it, I am wondering what I'm supposed to me doing. Is God calling me to do something and I'm just not hearing it? I get so upset reading about terrible things that happen everyday, to people all over the world. To children, to babies, to moms and dads and old people and animals. I suppose I should stop reading them, but I still know they are happening.

I hate this feeling of uncertainty. I really don't like this post much either, but I guess I'll publish it. Maybe I will go read my Bible and it'll make me feel better. But I'll probably just go to bed, after cleaning up the kitchen, scooping the litterbox, and washing Emma's diapers.

No comments: