Emma's blanket

Finally, it is done! I have finished Emma's baby blanket! The pattern I used is called Tender Blankie. It's very basic and easy. I used US size 7 knitting needles and for the border I used an I9 (5.5mm) crochet hook. I decided to do something bright with lots of color. The pattern calls for 4 knitted squares in the same color to be knitted, sewn together and then a border added. I decided to do each block in a different color, and the border in another color. I picked red, yellow, green and blue for the blocks, and purple for the border.

The blanket is approximately 18-18.5 inches square. The blue and green blocks became stretched out as I was knitting them so it's not a perfect square. I didn't understand the instructions for the border so I made up my own border. That's why I took so long to finish it, I was trying to decide how to finish it up. This is a small blanket. I wanted something small for Emma to be her snuggle or lovey blanket. Here are a few pictures.

Overwhelmed and Unfullfilled

I'm feeling so overwhelmed these days. Being a stay-at-home mom and a wife is so much work and I'm never off. Even when I'm on a break, I'm really still on call. I just can't keep up with the daily and never ending chores. And then there is other stuff that comes up, like dealing with the insurance co. and paperwork since my accident. I don't know what is worse, the daily stuff or the new stuff that is life that pops up constantly. I feel that I'd be able to manage the stuff of life better if I didn't have the daily chores. The never ending line of meals and snacks to be cooked, served, cleaned up, planned, and shopped for. If I never go into another grocery store again...

I just wonder, is this it? Diapers, cooking, cleaning, day after day after day? For the last 664 days what else have I done? I love Emma, I love Tony. I love staying at home, but I just feel that I am running out of steam. I wish I could do something for myself to feel useful, interesting, like a person again. How I can keep this up through another pregnancy and baby? We want at least one more, and if I had #2 exactly 40 weeks from today then Emma would be almost 3 years older. And if we had a #3, then I'd be home for about 8 years at least. I know that one day I'll go back to work. It doesn't really make sense to do that right now when we are planning for another baby. But it's not just a job that I am missing. I'm missing me, the person I was, or thought I was.

Part of the issue is that my social life completely changed when Emma was born. Certain friends I have not heard from again, others only occasionally. But even Tony and I don't have the same relationship, or same amount of time for each other. I try to make new friends with other moms, and I have. I just feel so not like myself this week, that anything positive is lost right now.

Birthday Flowers

Yesterday was my birthday! Tony and Emma took me to dinner, and we had
chocolate cake for dessert. Emma also picked out a balloon and these
lovey pink roses for me.

Wrecked

Last Wednesday I had a wreck. I was on my way to have lunch with my sister. It had been raining earlier in the morning and the road was still wet, although it was not raining at the time. I hit a wet spot and started to slide, then lost control of the car. I crossed over three lanes of traffic, jumped the curb and crashed into the guardrail. The lady behind me stopped and called the police. She was very nice, stayed with me the whole time. It took almost 30 minutes for the police to arrive, but finally an officer showed up. He was really nice. Said it was not my fault, he'd seen this more times that he could count. The lady behind me said that it looked just like I hit a patch of ice and went sliding.

The wreck was bad and good, depending on how you look at it.

Good:
Emma was not in the car.
No other cars were involved. This was a miracle considering it was 11:30am on a busy South Austin highway.
I walked away without a scratch. Just a little neck pain the next day. The guardrail saved me from plunging over the side of the road onto the highway below.
The officer did not cite me, said it wasn't my fault.

Bad:
I totaled the Trailblazer. The total damage is just $800 shy of the value of the car.
We can't afford another car payment without giving up something else. Like Emma's Kid's Day Out.
We *JUST* bought a new car for Tony 4 weeks ago. This is what makes me the most sick.

We aren't sure what we are going do right now. The insurance company will pay us for the Trailblazer, so we have that. But it's not enough to buy another vehicle outright, even used. I don't want to empty out our savings to buy another car so that we only have one payment.

Today I went to the body shop to get all the rest of our stuff out of the vehicle. A few cd's of children's music (Emma has been asking for E-I-O (Old MacDonald)), spare change, miscellaneous papers out of the glove box. I even found an Elmo book under the seat. It was really sad, the poor Trailblazer sitting in a graveyard of wrecked cars. That was the nicest car we'd own until just last month when we got Tony's Accord. Anyway, I said goodbye and took a few pictures.

I have been feeling really bad about the accident. I feel like I screwed up our finances. I feel like I should take Emma out of her school to save money, but I can't bring myself to do that. I need to have that time, but then I feel guilty for that. I feel a big fat pity party starting so I'm going to sign off now.

Nuse! Nuse!

A couple of nights ago I was putting Emma to bed when she kept repeating "nuse, nuse" over and over. She was pretty agitated and I didn't understand what she was telling me. I thought maybe she was trying to tell me something about her nose, but she can say nose really well and this was different. Sometimes I guess I can be a little thick headed, because I didn't get it until Emma signed 'nurse' and then I got it! She was asking to nurse, but she just can't get her r's out yet.

She is really talking so much now. She calls me mommy and it just feel so good! I love being her mommy!