Panda bear is done!

Last night I finished Emma's panda bear. His proportions are not exact, and in this picture he appears to have a giant arm and smaller than normal head. But he's done! It took me about 4 hours to complete the stuffing of the head, attaching the nose and eyes, and then the head and limbs to the body.

I hope that Emma likes him. I plan to give him to her tonight when Tony is home. Maybe we can record it. I sure hope she likes it!

Weaned!

It is done. Emma is weaned. Over all the experience went very well and we only had a few rough days. I wanted to remember this and also have a record for Emma so in addition to blogging I have kept a written journal.

On April 21, 2010, a Wednesday, I decided as I nursed Emma at naptime that this would be the last time. The next few days I wrote about here.

Then on April 28, I did nurse Emma again. She had a couple of rough days and each day at naptime she was becoming more and more upset. On this day she was crying, begging, pleading to nurse. I wasn't feeling great myself, I was upset and I think we both needed that connection one more time. So I told Emma we could try to nurse to show her that the milk was all gone. She latched on and started to nurse. Immediately I felt the tension in her body melt away, she was calm, relaxed and peaceful. She only nursed a few minutes before she was fast asleep. I rocked her for a long time and enjoyed the moment. It also made me feel better to have that physical connection again.

The next day at naptime I was prepared and brought a cup of milk to Emma's room. When she asked to nurse I reminded her that Mommy's milk was all gone but she could have some milk from the cup. She accepted this and took a few sips of milk. There were no tears, she was calm, and naptime was very peaceful.

Over the next few days and weeks Emma would ask to nurse but always accepted my explanation that Mommy's milk was gone. We continued to talk about Mommy's nummies, milk, and nursing but she was not upset when I refused to nurse her. One day I forgot the cup of milk and she didn't ask for it, so we've dropped that at naptime. She never drank much of it anyway and she doesn't seem to want it.

On May 11th I took Emma with me to an Attached Parenting meeting. At this meeting there are lots of nursing babies and toddlers so I was interested in how Emma would react. She saw a baby nursing and asked me to nurse several times. Finally she would not be distracted so I let her attempt to nurse. She latched on but it was as if she had already forgotten how to nurse. She did try and latched on several times before I asked if there was any milk. She said no and stopped nursing. She was just fine, and I think by letting her see for herself there was no milk made it much easier for her. It was very painful so I'm glad she didn't nurse for long!

So that's it, Emma is weaned. She still talks about milk, and my nummies. She likes to hug them and pat them. I never thought I would nurse for so long. It's been the best mothering experience I've had so far. I know it's helped Emma to be as healthy as she is, and helped us establish a wonderful bond. I love her so much, I just hope I can continue to mother her in other ways so that our bond continues to deepen.

Weaning

We are talking about weaning Emma, actually have been for some time. I have a lot of thoughts and feeling on the subject. I'm pretty conflicted about it. Emma is now 18 months old and I've been feeling pressure to wean her for at least 6 months. I would love to nurse her until she weans gradually on her own but we'd also like to have another baby soon, and the nursing is keeping that from happening.

So we have been cutting back for a few months. We now only nurse 3 times a day, and occasionally during the night if she wakes up. Just a few months ago we were still nursing 7-8 times a day and more at night. I think part of that was because she was teething. She got about 8 teeth with in two months so she wanted to nurse all the time. Even though we are only nursing in the morning, at nap time and bed time, she asks to nurse at other times in the day. It's hard to distract her from this but I am trying. I'd love to just cuddle her and give her some milk or water but it seems like she can't sit in my lap without wanting to nurse. And she does not like cow's milk at all. I've also tried soy milk but this girl just wants water or breastmilk!

I don't know why she still has such a great interest in nursing. I play with her a lot and try to bond with her in other ways but she still wants to nurse. I feel guilty for trying to wean her when she still has this great need. We worked so hard in the beginning to get the nursing to work so part of me doesn't want to let that go.

I am going to try to drop another nursing session this week. Not sure if the morning or nap time session is better, but I imagine either one will be hard. How do I get her to sleep without nursing? I can't rock her without her wanting to nurse. I wish my milk supply would decrease but it's still going strong. If I drop the morning session, I will miss snuggling with her in our bed as she nurses. She's so sweet and still when she nurses! She just looks up at me with her beautiful blue eyes and touches my face so softly.

I am afraid of really hurting her in some way by weaning before she's ready. I don't want her to harbor bad feelings toward me. But part of me feels that it is time, that I want to wean her. I just wish it would be easy. But it's not going to be, so I have to be strong and focused and just do it. But which part of me is right? See, I'm just conflicted in my feelings and it makes it very hard to figure out what is right, what I really want to do. I guess I really just need to pray about this and give it to God, and hopefully that will help me figure this out.

Emma turns one!

Today my daughter turned one year old! It's been such a great year! Looking back, I am most thankful for our nursing relationship. In the beginning it was so hard! I had to deal with lots of pain, infections, allergic reactions to medications, clogged ducts, blisters, and more pain. But it has been worth it! I know I am so connected and bonded to Emma because of our nursing, and she is just as connected to me! In the beginning we nursed for immunity and nourishment. Now we also nurse to connect, relax, and bond. I love to look at her sweet face as she nurses and know that I'm not only feeding her, but also giving her so much love. She may be 1 year old, but she is still very young and she needs me, and I think she needs to continue to nurse. I want to continue this part of our relationship too. I want to let her wean gradually, at her own pace, but also within a time frame that I am comfortable with. I know it's just something we will need to work out together.

Happy birthday Emma! You are the light in my life and the center of my heart!