Donna Marie Mangrum, 1924-2008

Last night my last living grandparent passed away. My Dad's mother, Donna Marie Mangrum, died at about 10:30pm in West, TX. I have been here in West since Saturday afternoon. This is was not unexpected, she has been in declining health for a while and it really went down this month.

I did get to see her and spend a few minutes with her on Saturday and yesterday evening. It is really hard to see her looking not like herself. But I wanted to tell her goodbye and hold her hand and I'm glad that I did.

It has been almost two years since my Pawpaw died, in August 2006. So I am glad that they are together again. Her Alzheimer's Disease had been very bad the last 5 or more years, but when Pawpaw died she really lost her last link with the world, so in a way she has been gone for a while already.

I am feeling a lot of different things. Sadness of course, but also some relief that her struggle is over, and that my Dad, Mom, and the rest of the family can go on and not see her struggling. But also I feel a sense of dread. My grandparents are all gone. Now I have a baby, and some day hopefully more children. So my parents and Tony's parents are now in the grandparent roles. I dread watching them get older, knowing that one day it will be my turn to bury my parents. I truly hope that they all have another 25 or more years left, but we can never know for certain. Ok, I have to stop this line of thinking. Very disturbing and nothing good can come of it.

Goodbye Granny! I know that you are back with Pawpaw, and your mind is whole again! Thank you for all your years of love, encouragement, and support. I'll never forget your pancake breakfasts, and your wild stories of getting married at aged 16! You are a sweet lady, and I'll always love you.

Ho hum - random thoughts

I really don't have the time to blog anymore like I want too. I only have time now because Emma is napping, but it's very limited, she'll wake up soon. I can blog more at night after she's gone to sleep, but I'm so tired then and it's hard to make coherent thoughts.

My Granny Mangrum is very sick. She's my last grandparent living. But really she's been gone for a while, due to the mental deterioration from that terrible disease that starts with an "A" that I can't spell. She's in the nursing home in West, and since yesterday they put her on oxygen and discontinued her meds, except for painkillers. It will be a blessing when she has passed and is reunited with my Pawpaw. She's been without him for almost 2 years. In 2006 we lost Pawpaw, then last year, 2007, my Granny Peterson. So this year it will be Granny Mangrum. I feel really sad that she didn't get to met my Emma. But I know that all my grandparents are watching out for Emma and she will too.

I've been at home with Emma since mid-April, about 3 months now. I do not regret leaving my job one bit, although I do miss some things about working. Mostly just the time to myself, which I don't get a lot of these days. I also miss going out to lunch and seeing my friends. But I am finding ways to get out and see people now, with Emma. Twice a week I take Emma to Town Lake and walk the trails with another friend and her baby. We do the 3 mile loop in about an hour. It gets me out of the house, exercise, and time to talk with another adult! I also go to a couple of La Leche League meetings 2 times a month, and I've started going to an attached parenting meeting once a month. Attached Parenting is a whole parenting concept I don't know much about it, but I get to see and talk to other parents and there is food at the meetings, so I'm going!

Sometimes I do get frustrated with being at home. I feel that since I'm here I should be able to do so much and have a clean house and dinner cooked, etc. Now, I know that is not possible and that Tony doesn't expect that. But I am sort of an overachiever and I want to be good at my job. I was a good purchaser and now I want to be a good stay at home mom, and I just put too much pressure on myself to do everything, which is just not possible. Even though I know this, part of me still gets down about it. I am harder on myself than anyone else can be. It's just something that I need to accept and go with the flow and relax! Easy for me to say but harder to do.

Emma is 6 months old!

I almost can’t believe it, but Emma is 6 months old today! She has grown and changed so much! Yesterday was her 6 month doctor visit. She got more vaccinations and an overall check-up. She weighs 20 pounds exactly, and so she’s off the chart for her weight. She’s 26 and ¾ inches tall, which is in the 75 percentile. She’s sitting alone very well, responding to her name, standing with help, and doing all the other developmental milestones for her age.

We do need to start her on some solid foods. So today we fed her rice cereal for the first time. Tony actually did the feeding. Emma wasn’t sure about the cereal. She kept reaching for the spoon and I’m not sure how much food made it to her tummy, but she seemed ok with the concept of eating. We’ll keep it up with the cereal and then in a few days we can introduce something new. I’m thinking of bananas!

First shopping trip to HEB!

Emma rolls over!

Well yesterday it finally happened! Emma rolled from her tummy onto her back! I was really lucky and able to get the whole thing on video! It was about 4:30, and we were rested from our busy day of running errands. I had put her on the floor, for some tummy time. She almost immediately started to push up with her left hand and leg, and was teetering on her side. I grabbed the camera and recorded her whole endeavor. It took about 6 or 7 minutes, but she pushed and pushed and finally she pushed her leg and arm at the same time. She was pretty happy about it, and rolled back onto her side. She can’t quite get back to her tummy yet. Today she rolled over a few more times, and I was able to get some of that on video. When I first put on her tummy this afternoon, I ran to move some clothes from the washer to the dryer. When I came back to her, just a few minutes later, she was on her back, smiling up at me! Later, after Tony came home, she rolled over again for him!

Monday, Tuesday...

I’ve been trying to get a routine established now that I am home with Emma full time. I’ve decided that Mondays are for staying home. I’m not going to make any appointments, run errands, etc., unless absolutely necessary. Mondays are for recovering from the weekend - even stay-at-home moms need that! So on Monday we stayed home, and in our pajamas most of the morning. I did plenty around the house though, and tried to plan our week.

Tuesday is going to be for getting out, running errands, play dates, or appointments. I really over did it yesterday though. We left about 9am, and we were gone all morning, and then went out again after lunch and a short nap for Emma. I didn’t know it was going to reach 101 degrees yesterday! By the end of the afternoon we were both way too hot and tired. So next time I’ll limit my errands to only a few places and try to just get out in the mornings!

First Mother's Day

Sunday was my first Mother's Day! It was a really great day. We went home to visit my folks on Saturday, and it was nice to be with them. Also my Aunt Connie from Nebraska was in town to visit, so she was able to meet Emma!

Sunday morning I got up at 7 with Emma, but then Tony took over and I went back to bed from 8-10am! It was so nice to get those extra 2 hours! Tony was great and Emma took her bottle like a pro! We had a good lunch with the family and then headed back to Austin in the afternoon.

Tony helped Emma with a special little project for my present. If I ever figure out how to post a picture I'll post it. Then he picked up a great takeout dinner from Carrabba's. It was just a really nice Mother's Day!